boss asked me why i 'm quitting

update: is my job the problem or is it me? I believe weve been requested by Alison to generally give the letter writers the benefit of the doubt? I couldnt understand why he was pushing it, but the next day I got my clarity. Well, right now I am in Brazil working remotely. update: I resent my employee for being richer and more qualified than me, can I say I cant come to the office because of my dog, our unlimited vacation is really just three weeks, and more. Not to mention, your boss might not be as . Any advice would be appreciated. Not being allowed to contact the board sounds woefully dysfunctional to me! I'm not sure I want to get into the nuts and bolts of my decision when I talk to Janice. Or not. I already know she's not going to stand up to Neil. I wait for the manager to announce to the larger department that I am moving on. I just left a job and the grand-boss there could not seem to shift her thinking to my not being there and kept trying to find some way that I would still be doing work for her after I left (but think of the needs of your program! Id call her bluff if you felt up to it, but then I am unwilling to be threatened and to back down from confrontation. She was astonished. Also, even if the boss makes a request, but the request is unreasonable (eg. What do you think? Asking someone to wait is not necessarily nefarious nor trying to hide anything. My experience has been that preemption a false narrative is much easier than having to do damage control. It is common courtesy after submitting your resignation to ask your boss how they want to handle communication about your departure. She made it seem like he was being irresponsible by quitting at a bad time and that if his new boss knew what a lurch he was leaving the old place in, it would reflect badly on him. Her frantic overreaction suggests she had been spinning a story about all these departures. Im traveling the world fulfilling both my personal and career ambitions. Nobody wants to risk expressing their unhappiness and finding themselves without a job all together. 1. Additionally, Id like to hope you didnt make comments when your employee left about how their contributions might be seen differently if they did something like inform THE BOARD that they had resigned. OP, this is really a reflection of the organization and not you at all, which perhaps your boss at least understands on some level. To the point when my replacement appeared in the newsletter, apparently tons of calls and emails were fielded asking when I left and why was an announcement not made. Tenures are getting shorter and shorter. It was increasingly unnerving and I would have appreciated hearing more about the whys because this did fundamentally alter the organizations structure. She said "Why are you leaving? Its one thing for a manager to say, Can you give us a few days to figure out the plan before you announce it to others? That can be reasonable, particularly in a situation where hearing someone is leaving is likely to generate lots of anxious questions about how their work will be covered, or what it means for the X project, or so forth. I had a boss who routinely did this, to the point where it was ridiculous. updates: the monthly hikes, the coworker with the criminal record, and more, the outraged notes littering offices everywhere, update: my employee blows up my phone with memes and videos even in the middle of the night and refuses to stop, employer wants to hire my replacement but I havent quit, bosss daughter watches me while I work, and more, HR said a coworkers religion didnt count, employer wants me to lie about why Im leaving, and more, update: I feel no ambition whatsoever at work, updates: the blame-throwing employee, wearing a wedding ring to an interview, and more, updates: company asked for documentation of my dietary restrictions, Im afraid people at work will think Im being abused, and more. Remind yourself that this happens all the time. 20 Common Mistakes New Copywriters Should Take Care Not To Make, 12 Ways Serial Entrepreneurs Can Build Executive Leadership Skills, How To Effectively Respond To A TCPA Warning, Checkoff Organizations: Harnessing The Power Of Farmer Communication, The Future Of Excellent CX: Leveraging Enhanced Generative AI, How To Overcome Post-Deal Depression After An Acquisition, 5 Ways Finance Professionals Can Weather Times Of Uncertainty, 3 Strategies For Investing In Your People. Job hopper. It was April, my flight was in August, and I was scared. It sounds as if your boss is panicking. I would tell him off. Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Preparing a notification for internal stakeholders and client/customer facing message for them to share if applicable. my boss is upset that I told my coworkers I was resigning before I told him. But my experience isnt an anomaly. As a current volunteer coordinator and a current volunteer myself for multiple organizationshard agree on this. They take his abuse. Thats someone hoping that issues will magically go away if ignored. People justify and defend capitalism endlessly due to the fact that no matter what's happening, workers always have this right. This is a ridiculous and desperate request. I do need to tell people Im moving on so let me know if theres anything youd like me to mention to address your concerns is very generous. This sounds familiar. Stupidly, I agreed, and it was the worst thing for me. 3. And, while I have every desire to work within in your plan and make things as smooth as possible, I have my own interests. He made a lot of comments like that in my last days, and Im not sure whether the goal was to make me feel like leaving was a hasty and stupid decision, to somehow get me to stay longer by highlighting all the transition work I hadnt done, or just to feel a bit more power over me. The Board immediately reached out to someone else to help me. Dont bluff. Very unreasonable expectation on your boss part and it certainly wont make planning your replacement easier. Seer does this through responding to situations in a very human way. Usually its phrased in a, Im very committed to ensuring a smooth transition and documenting my knowledge + Im deferring to the manager on how/when to share the news since theyre the ones that will actually still be sticking around to deal with the transition + but obviously were going to tell people before my actual last day.. The whole document everything suggestion is kind of an AAM commentariat cliche, but in the case of But if you have to train anyone, or transition your duties to a colleague, or provide clients with information they need once you leave, etc., its not always that simple. Ive had to do this and to customers its almost always benign. If she starts full on slandering you, Id consult a lawyer. (Also: your username made me smile; love that plant. Theyre not questioning your motives when you take off a day. but it is no longer my program!). 4. No matter the case, its not going to be your problem to solve. Take the time you need and dont feel guilty about being away. I cant think of any legal issues. She's an easy person to work for, but her boss "Neil" is a tyrant. Jane has left the company. But she wasnt incredibly professionally mature, she had an inflated notion of her own strategic acumen, and that had the potential to create long-term damage to the organization if we just let her express herself as she wanted, when she wanted, according to her own whims. I was 25, single, and healthy, without any obligations or commitments other than to myself and my company. My boss was shocked, even though she had made my position part time the previous year and had told me I needed to pull in my own salary in grants in order to return to full time. As for the board of directors in a lot of nonprofits the staff doesnt have much contact with the board, but Im guessing that you do since youre bringing it up. I wonder if LWs boss was also following this assumed script, was taken off-guard when LW disclosed to the volunteers before then, and panicked a bit. and gotten an auto-reply which said Sarras no longer with the company. Being surrounded by an amazing team is a huge intrinsic motivator that encourages employees to be their best selves. The OPs boss however does seem a bit off in their reaction and does have the whiff of rotten, but thats not always the case. He yells, but he's not going to do anything.". 2. Fortunately none of that happened and we both have jobs at a much better nonprofit. They communicate that the teams got your back, and we want you to be healthy and present in your life. Janice may be a nice person in some ways, but a manager who throws their team members under the boss is not someone you can afford to work for one minute longer. Hmm.. Maybe I wasnt as clear as I meant to be in my own head :) And now rereading I can see that I wasnt. This. This boss saw anyone who left as a betrayal, no matter the reason. OP, you didnt make the organization look unstable. Supposedly, you always have the right to quit. Theres always a follow-up caveat about their behaviour after that point, and if they are failing to make that transition professionally. My old boss from two jobs ago called me two days after Christmas and asked me to come and work with him again. He hired me to work on a one-year consulting project that starts in early February. The comment that your departure may mar your contributions sounds like a desperate attempt to scare you into silence. Heres my advice: 1.Demonstrate your values through action. Definitely sounds like a sketchy situation! Flipside is that my previous boss was told NOT to tell her assistants that she was leaving until a week or two before she was transferred out. I dont know why managers think they have a hold over people who are leaving. Build an amazing team. I would also ask her what she plans to tell people about your departure, you may get a hint of what she is planning. Hm yeah that makes sense for the oh they were reshuffled, but I guess I just dont understand how this person was fired for performance or just didnt show up looks better than they left the job because sometimes people leave jobs. Just feels so misguided!! And if this is how the bosses normally behave, then Im not suprised they have serious problems keeping people on staff. Altogether, it was unprofessional and selfish, and it didnt make us look great. She a. told lots of people before telling me or the rest of the team, creating some hard feelings and communicating badly to others and b. she also turned on an autoreply immediately upon telling me, leaving me to field lots of questions while she was right there and Id asked her to outline some specifics of her contacts to communicate appropriately with all of them in the transition. Tell her that your old boss offered you an assignment that you couldn't refuse, and wish her well. Last minute family emergency? I do need to tell people Im moving on thats not something we can hide but maybe theres a way I could frame it that will address your concerns. (You dont need to offer this! Thanks for understanding.. Soooo flighty. However, the shadiness comes at a cost. The owners said G was on a sabbatical. Empathy is one of the most valuable characteristics a company can have when they want to build trust with their employees. My boss wanted me to stay late so he wouldnt have to complete the tedious taskbecause he had planned to fire me the next morning. I was going to grad school so it actually didnt have to do with him, but I guess he thought it would make him look bad. You may opt-out by. When talking with her I might also bring the implied threat into the light. 4. I was moving because my husband got a job in ANOTHER STATE, but whatever. 1. You destroyed the plausible cover story for massive turnover by not fitting under the retirement umbrella. Janice was shocked when I gave notice. It seemed to be some sort of mind game. Updating my boss. If Im resigning, I get to control the narrative. Right after that meeting, I responded to emails from two long-time volunteers about the volunteer schedule for next year, and let them know that while I was leaving, the organization valued their service and that when my successor was chosen, they would be in touch with them about the schedule. 3. My mom told me something that was very true "Quitting a job isn't something you can do everyday, It means a . You have not been appointed Janice's coach, and you don't owe her anything. It really doesnt sound like OPs manager clearly communicated the plan or took her interests into account. You and I make such a great team! Ive never been explicitly told what to do/who to tell, but Ive always implicitly understood this to be the way its done: Perhaps she is the reason for the high turnover? All rights reserved. But it wasnt just me that benefitted from not being weird about quitting, my company did too. It probably would have been smart for OP to bring it up but the onus on a managing a situation falls on management. Yet so many times when we exercise this right, some bosses are nothing but miffed. He was trapped out of the country by boarders closing and travel restrictions when the pandemic hit and told he could NOT work remotely internationally so he could use up his sick and vacation time and then be placed on unpaid leave. I think the 35 years and stellar service records referred to the departed co-workers. Are they mad that they no longer have control over you? My boss accepted my resignation, then set up an in-person meeting to discuss my reasons for leaving with him. It sounds like her requests are centered on a desire for control, so its a good idea to prepare for the possibility that she will lie to people about your resignation. Turns out she did this to spin things that she pushed me out to reorganize the department. This is how it should work! They told my primary client less than a week before my last day. Shes been there for the entire lifetime of people who are now management-level. Team events, employee bonding, and coffee chats should be encouraged to support organic relationships between the team. But Id be wary otherwise. Yeah, sure, but youll be telling the resigning employee that this is how you want to do it and why. Thats a terrible employee and an extreme situation, but it doesnt really justify not wanting to give any employee ever permission to explain and room to make a smooth and professional transition. Two reached out to her with specific scheduling questions about next year, and OP truthfully told them that she wouldnt be there to handle that, and the new person in her position would reach out to them. You dont know someone is leaving until theyre already gone. I think you hit the nail on the head. Build an amazing team. It was so bad that I almost demanded all my money back and back tracked us to our old CRM while we started a whole new process. Nothing so impulsive as a professional who leaves the job after decades. You may end up leaving this short-term job off your resume altogether. He told me hed tell the board and asked for a few days to figure out the messaging, then angrily stomped into my office two days later and demanded to know why I hadnt told anybody I was leaving. (They were trying to make absolutely sure I didnt steal any clients, either by actively soliciting them or the clients following mesomething that was exceedingly unlikely for reasons of geography.) Ive approached my boss several times just asking what I can do to help get that ball rolling and..nothing. I was then instructed not to tell anyone else, including members of our board, about my departure because it might mar my contributions if word gets around town.. Which makes me realize that OPs source for her colleagues departures being retirements ALSO came from her bosshmmmm. It seemed like a small window of opportunity and I needed to make a decision. Yes and to a degree, its reasonable to let her. I would tell coworkers and especially vendors, the boss here seems to be setting you up for blame for overall turnover. She had to point-blank LIE a couple of times, she admitted later. 4. When staff resigned, it was really important that we approached it sensitively with clients, especially the ones on our caseload. So shes going to look a bit odd to them if she pushes back. I've been in supervisory roles before, and I know 100% that a subordinate works a job due to a mix of choice and financial obligation, and their remaining an employee was very much dependent on my ability to lead them well. OP makes clear that theres a lot of backstory here shes not telling us e.g., how many of these long-tenured staff quit and how many were fired so I know Im filling in the gaps with my own imagination. Dorie Clark. When I started at Seer, I was assigned a scavenger hunt that provides newbies an excuse (and budget) to go out to lunch, coffees, and happy hours with team members they work with and those they wouldnt normally interact with. Janice is going to insist on meeting with me to talk about my departure, and she's going to ask me exactly why I'm leaving the company. Of course, after he left and clients found out it caused issues. 1. Yeah, I agree. She has her own reputation to look out for. Change happens, you figure your stuff out, but dont lie to me, your client! What legal implications? by Alison Green on April 17, 2017. If I tell her the truth I think it will only make her feel worse. It was confusing, uncomfortable, and unfortunately didnt end on my last day. Whatever they did to prompt the entire staff to leave within a few months after the leadership transition is whats making the organization look unstable. So who knows what this boss is planning. Right. 3. If I were a client/customer and my point of contact vanished with no transition plan, Id question the companys ability to support my future projects. ), (Also: your username made me smile; love that plant. I am inclined to trust the LWs narrative here, not just because of Allisons request that we take the LWs at their word. SoI actually dont think that employees have an unvarnished right to tell people while in your employment and working for your organization in whatever way they like, whenever they like. Telling your boss that you're leaving is one the hardest . Leaving a job youve been at for 35 years since 1986! The executive director was a mean, paranoid, and all around difficult person. what are the best jobs while youre in school? What, did I get fired? Made me glad I left! I think thats better than putting them off by waffling about with some non-answer, if they normally discussed these things at this time. Science helps, as does my experience (I've had more than my share of quit-worthy bosses). Its no surprise then that when it comes time for us to leave a company based on our own free will, we get a little skittish about speaking up about it. ", I said "Let's talk in a few days -- we're both up against deadlines today.". Meanwhile, a TV producer says she was groped by Daniel Korski, the Tory . Each conversation becomes a . Yes, thats right my anger here is on the departed coworkers behalf, as well as OPs. Im so glad I reached out to them proactively on LinkedIn telling them I was leaving. So if you're scared your boss will be shocked, throw a fit, or be personally offended, take a deep breath and repeat: This is a totally normal part of the working world. You have the right to move on without explanation. So there really just isnt that much need to come to detrimental conclusions about the letter writers. There is no time for management to dither and failure to take the appropriate steps can reflect poorly on OP. That soundsbrilliant. update: do I need to give up an impressive business contact whos hitting on me? We were a direct service organization and the majority of our clients were homeless and experiencing active addiction. Your boss avoids you. Dont cooperate if you boss asks you to make your departure a big secret, or everyone will think you were fired. That said, if her treat holds water, that might not be something you want to do. And not telling people appears to give her license to continue to ignore those issues and rug sweep. updates: coworker prayed Ill return to Jesus, the awful corporate jargon, and more. Honestly, depending on your relationship with the board, I would strongly consider sending an email to them. No doubt this organization already looks unstable within the community. I want people to know Ive quit and am moving on. I think Ive told this story here before, but my boss did this to me. But if you justdisappear, then the company can tell all sorts of lies about your absence. I always assume someone was fired if they disappear suddenly without warning. She was almost in tears. As a manager I will ask this of a resigning employee, especially a manager or anyone client facing. That was my first thought too, but if you tilt your head and squint there might be some. Its to make OP look bad, its her punishment for leaving. At most, this job might rate one short scene in the movie version of your life. Now she has to face questions that she doesnt want to answer. Oh where are you going? and you can say Switching departments/same type of job, different company/to grad school/moving back home to be closer to family and the clients can say Oh well how nice for you! I'm close with two people on my team (I often see them socially outside of work) and I told them when I began my search and when I was offered the . I worked at a very tumultuous non-profit with high turn over. None of us were supposed to tell anyone he was leaving, which we all thought was weird. Even to the immediate office staff. Its such a reasonable step to take, its not public, etc. And what would be my recourse if she did? I was recently at an org that was in a somewhat similar position. Yeah, Ill wait three days if asked to wait. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, a volunteer group I founded years ago is devouring my life. my new job or something to that effect. That being said, we have had letters here where the company will keep a persons name on their website well after theyve quit in order to look more stable. I never would have been mad at an employee for quitting, and I would have looked at my own performance as a supervisor before looking anywhere else for an answer as to why. She must be in deep denial. In these situations, where real trust exists between a company and an employee, there has to be a better way to quitright? Many people have had the experience of being mistreated, taken for granted, or let go in a way that leaves us feeling hurt and wellless human. But your boss sounds shady and panicky, so maybe being super stealth about it might work better. Is it really appropriate to keep *the board of directors* in the dark about all this? And hey, that could be just fine! What's the mentality of a boss that is mad when a worker exercises a basic democratic right and quits their job? According to your story, you don't get along with a person at work, second guess your boss, and have other people complaining about you at work. One of the grants program with a regional and national profile and she was concerned about damaging confidence in the organization. Neil tolerates Janice because she puts up with his abuse, but she doesn't try to protect her subordinates from Neil's tantrums. Send a thank-you note after you've moved on. If it happens, I bet theres plenty of other stuff thats iffy at that employer. And focus primarily on your next step. Also, if for some reason your well laid-out process doesnt happen (youre on leave, theres some rush in the timetable, whatever), its not a catastrophe either.
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