So, so are you Ant-Man?" "Nothing," I said. And for a preschooler, that was supposed to do. I have to know." Now let's imagine that there's a puppy in this box, or else let's imagine that there's a monster in the box. And the bell sounded the end of recess and everything got very quiet, but I just stayed there in the ravine. And then one day we were driving past a big church, and out front was an enormous crucifix. The fact that things fall down and not up is not obvious to babies. So then my call waiting beeps in. Really? One time in the field, Keith told me to tackle you. I carried a torch for Karen from grade 1 to grade 6. It was great. "Ant-Man wears a helmet.". Transcript. I didn't even know that. While kids think with the same logic that adults use and apply that logic just as rigorously, there are certain things that they simply do not know and take a while to figure out. I'd been waiting for, like, three days for the cable guy. Finally, I got it. Timothy was sitting in a corner of the office, trapped in an orange vinyl arm chair. "Come on, Timothy," I said. Because I don't think I was making out in grade six. "I'm ready to do whatever you think would be best for Timothy. "Paul," said Mrs. Gladfelter, leaning over the lip of the ravine, hands against her thighs. They argue that when a small baby sits in a highchair and drops a spoon onto the floor over and over and over for mom or dad to pick up, what the baby is doing essentially is running a little baby-sized experiment. What was that mystery meat? If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. "But it takes a long time to get to Chicago from Ohio where Grandma and Grandpa live. I think he did something in finance. "I'm afraid your precious antidote didn't work.". Nick wasn't supposed to make that leap. Who were your interests? Here, we've collected a few more. You downplay it. There's a way you can love a girl in grade six that you'll never have again. And I thought that he was thinking, "You know, that really is a good idea." Well, Alison Gopnik studies how children think. That story from Michael Chabon. My second theory was that they'd fall in love with me if they can see me reading aloud. We don't know what caused Doug to get sick. I didn't hear the scrape of footsteps until they were just above my head. And sometimes the only way to address his fears is to use the same logic he does, with the same assumptions. "Well now, Timothy." I didn't want to-- you know, it's like if you're starstruck but you don't want them to know that you're star struck? When I went to sleep each night, I would consciously try to sleep in a cute way, just in case the girls would peep on me. "Why don't you sit down, Paul?" I found out about Nick's feelings for babies about a year ago. So there was no such thing as walking out and seeing a stranger. In this act, we have this example of kids thinking like kids. I'm not sure why, but everyone in my class seemed to love the way I hammed it up. I don't know. He had micronauts and the fembots. The New York Times has officially launched its new audio app for iOS New York Times Audio and we're on there in a big way. http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/460/retraction 2012 Chicago Public Media & Ira Glass It turns out that Karen remembered exactly one story about me. Michael Chabon, reading an excerpt from his short story "Werewolves in Their Youth." It was bad enough that I had to live next door to him. I don't have a dad to read the comics to me. The box became Harriet's prized possession. I knew this wasn't the way they measured public opinion now, but it seemed like the Nielsen surveys had been around for a while, and I figured they were just a holdover from a more primitive, less statistically rigorous time. And guess who the tooth fairy was? That it's OK to be sad and cry, and then it's OK when you finally stop crying, too. This was a coed game and seemed like very fun. I said, "oh my god, who was it? I imagined all the popular girls intent on cruelly pranking me got a ladder and climbed up to my bedroom window. "I'm not Timothy," said Timothy. But by the time the children are six or seven, like grownups, they've understood that just wishing for things isn't going to actually make them happen. I slid down into the ravine backward. When Alison Gopnik and two of her colleagues decided to summarize a lot of this research in a book, they called it The Scientist in the Crib, meaning that babies are like little scientists. "How come?" Just having that little card in my wallet, that little plan, allowed him to let that fear go. "Yes, I'm afraid so.". Our technical director is Matt Tierney. "See you later, Timothy," I said. I thought that's what it took for someone to fall in love. So when you would actually run into Ronnie Loberfeld, what was it like for you? She was holding her leg, looking up at me saying, "You tub of lard, you broke my leg! And as the plane was airborne, she turned to the woman next to her and said, when do we get smaller? These stories where kids take a perfectly logical premise and go through a series of perfectly logical deductions that lead to perfectly incorrect conclusions. There were three chairs next to Timothy's. It was great. So I had all these ideas about love. They're identical twins. The REAL . "Timothy, are you expelled? Anyone could see he was still playing his endless game, but all the grown-ups, Mr. Buterbaugh in particular, looked very pleased with both of us. Even though it was so far in the past, a crush is still such an awkward thing to talk about. I was down in the ravine at the edge of the schoolyard, founding a capital for an empire of ants. I don't know. She said I was having problems with my anger. And it was the first time that she had ever asked about what did this holiday mean. She wasn't sure why she was crying except that it was like she had volunteered to be a grown up before she was even ready for it. He goes, "You tackle her, Howard. Nationally, only about 58% of kids who start college end up graduating in six years or fewer. Transcript. "I love you," Doug repeated. "He had to go to jail," Timothy said, "your dad." And he asked the children, is there really a monster in the box? But reading her sister's story that day made her realize how responsible her sister felt for her, and for their entire family, and how there were benefits to being the baby. You know, it should be a word. And it turns out another thing they're very interested in is human beings and how they work. I would allow one brave tear to travel down my cheek. 1 hour Series Episodes 779: Ends of the Earth An exploration of the very upper limits of what you do for someone you love. Hosted by Ira Glass Dec. 17, 2016. Oh no!". Don't get me wrong. I guess I was mad about my dad and things.". So I waved, like, I wonder if I wave, what kind of people are they? I forbade myself with an almost religious severity to show Timothy any kindness or regard. What do you think she does with all of these teeth that she's collecting? Kids using perfectly logical arguments, and arriving at perfectly wrong conclusions. "Mrs. Stokes," said Mrs. Gladfelter, coming out of the principal's office. And one day he was hanging out with his mom. He stared at Tim sitting just in front of him and then asked, "Tim, do you have a brain disease?". I carried a torch for Karen from grade one to grade six. I had what I thought was a great idea-- to call Doug up. But by the time the children are six or seven, like grownups, they've understood that just wishing for things isn't going to actually make them happen. Turns out I'm not alone. The girls screamed at Timothy the same way every time he came after them, in unison, and with a trill that sounded almost like delight, as if they were watching the family cat trot past with something bloody in its jaws. Every morning, she made Timothy pancakes for his breakfast, which sounded OK until you found out that she put things in them like carrots and leftover pieces of corn. So I knocked off work that day, and I decided we'd play and I'd take her out to lunch. Only a year or two later, my theories in the ways of love had changed drastically. My dad is the tooth fairy. "I'm afraid your precious antidote didn't work." I said, "well, he said that you should treat everybody the same, no matter what they look like. He had longish hair, and he came through the back door of the gym. So I said, "Well, yeah, he was a preacher and he had a message." And then I heard Mrs. Gladfelter herself sounding very angry. "Paul Kovel, what on Earth are you doing out here?" "Why don't you sit down, Paul." And at that point, they all threw their hands up in the air in unison. Timothy said this or something like it every time he turned into a werewolf, and I would not have been too concerned if, in the course of his last transformation he hadn't actually gone and bitten Virginia Bease on the neck. "Come on, Timothy," I said. I guess he's just very wound up right now. What do you think she does with all of these teeth that she's collecting? And Timothy Stokes was in love with her. Timothy was, in our teacher Mrs. Gladfelter's words, "one strike away from an out." I thought for a second, and then I turned back toward them and raised an imaginary rifle to my shoulder. And then he said, "Mommy, if you died, I'd be in the house all by myself. I was talking with a friend of mine, who was telling me about her friend, who had been selected to be a Nielsen family. I guess I was mad about my dad and things. I took her down like it was prison football. Who would take care of me until they got here?". "With Timothy, Paul. OK, so that's not that funny. "He had Micronauts and the Fembots." What do they do? When Robin came home for Thanksgiving that year, she confronted her mother with the startling fact that everyone else ate things besides chicken growing up. One interesting question in all of this. And it was the first time that she had ever asked about what did this holiday mean. At first I could hear the girls shouting for Mrs. Gladfelter. Of 128 students who signed up for One Goal at the same time as Kewauna, 85% of them have made it through their freshman year and are now back in school this fall as sophomores. I'm like, "OK, I'm going to do it." It does not get corrected till much, much later, when childhood is long over. I'd say by grade six standards, you got laid. My husband's brain is shrinking. Act Two, The Game Ain't Over Till the Fatso Man Sings. he must also be the Tooth Fairy. Instantly, I dropped flat on my belly, my heart pounding the way it did when I was spotted trying to spy on a baseball game or a birthday party. He was either an accountant or a stockbroker. Our program was produced today by Jonathan Goldstein and myself with Alex Blumberg, Wendy Dorr, and Starlee Kine. One night, after deciding I wanted to have a real girlfriend, I called up identical twin sisters that I liked-- Darlene and Elizabeth. ", An excerpt from Michael Chabon's short story "Werewolves in Their Youth," from the collection of short stories of the same name. But then I would remember the confused look in his eyes as I had abandoned him to his fate, to all the unimaginable things that would be done to him in the fabulous corridors of the special school. And she pulled me aside and said, you know, last night I lost a tooth and I woke up while the tooth fairy was putting the money under my pillow. "Are you expelled?" She doesn't remember how she then jumped up, got four or five of her girlfriends in a huddle, and miraculously choreographed an impromptu chorus line of "Fatso Man" to the tune of the Village People's "Macho Man.". Alex Blumberg explains. Timothy's head snapped back and his eyelids fluttered. Senior producer for today's show is Julie Snyder. And I said, "Yeah, I guess it is. Everyone looked at me, but I was talking to Timothy now. "This is a dart gun," I announced. Now, any kind of logic would have dictated that that's not the way to get the girl you like. You get an experiment about gravity, you get a little physics tutorial, and you get a psychology tutorial. I'd roll into a fetal ball like a kitten and scrunch my head into my pillow, hand under my head. Or if I did, it was only with a mild curiosity. Timothy said this, or something like it, every time he turned into a werewolf, and I would not have been too concerned if, in the course of his last transformation, he hadn't actually gone and bitten Virginia Pease on the neck. So I said, well, yeah, he was a preacher and he had a message. She said I was having problems with my anger. I said. Some connection is made between things-- a surprising connection, a wrong connection, actually. Maybe at the time I knew, but I had no clue, actually, that you liked me, when I think back on it now. And she wasn't really sad about the gift, really, is what she said in the composition. About six months after we took the car keys away from Doug, my friend Tim came in from San Francisco. ", "It's all right," said Mrs. Gladfelter. And really, it's just that I can still picture this tissue box and how much I loved it, this tissue box painted by trained monkeys. Since then, Nick has tried to make logical sense of this mostly illogical disease, and he does this by looking for patterns to help sort it all out. I forbade myself, with an almost religious severity, to show Timothy any kindness or regard. Some get to eat, and others are eaten. Yeah, well, he ran afoul of the Roman government." Fatso, fatso men, I would not like to be a fatso. You get a little physics tutorial. Because I don't-- because no one doesn't have brick teeth. And Alison Gopnik and two of her colleagues decided to summarize a lot of this research in a book. This conclusion came out of my experience with nieces and nephews who would fawn all over me when I would read to them. "No, stupid. "I've been cursed to stalk the night through all eternity," he went on. There was a long, awkward silence. I said. We went out for two more months. "What kind of special helmet?" You're not anybody either.". It was about a month later after that Christmas, we had gone through the whole story of what Christmas meant. And I was like, "Yeah. How would you act? "Thanks for calling back, Dr. Schachter," I heard Mr. Buterbaugh say, "Yes, I'm afraid so." I would never let him sit beside me at lunch or in class. "I love you, daddy," Nick said. I thought I was just responsible for tormenting you. It's a bad habit his father formed right after he was diagnosed, like was trying to squeeze one last cuddle out of the day. Let's go to bed. The house needed repairs. Some might die, but others are born. "Oh, hello, Paul," she said, in her Eeyore voice. This message that he had was so radical and unnerving to the prevailing authorities at the time that they had to kill him. So I had this sort of "Yeah, oh, well, that's Jesus. And I'm like, "What what?" Robin didn't think there was anything strange about the way she was raised. Prologue. This American Life is a weekly public radio show, heard by 2.2 million people on more than 500 stations. [COUGHING]. But instead, he finally said, "You know, 'xing' isn't in a word.". Skip to main content Due to a planned power outage on Friday, 1/14, between 8am-1pm PST, some services may be impacted. She decided that not only was he an accountant and a dad . Why did both girls come to what seems like the least likely conclusion from the evidence in front of them, of a parent swapping money for a tooth under a pillow? They didn't want to take any chances about what was going on in that box. Timothy said. And then one day, we were driving past a big church, and out front was an enormous crucifix. I think I figured they'd done some research and found that the name Nielsen, because it was a common name maybe, and it seemed to cut across class and economic lines, actually came pretty close to a representative sample. I even worked for him for a while. Often, at recess time, I'd go to the back of the classroom and read from a selection of kids books. She drew back behind her girlfriends, and their screaming now grew less melodious, less purely formal. If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. He's a snoop. "That's enough now, Paul," said Mr. Buterbaugh, the principal, is friendly smile looking more false than usual. And she thought for a minute and looked up at me and said, "Did they kill him too?". Well, when I became mobile, when I got my first tricycle, I could go a little bit further. (11 minutes) Staff Recommendations View all 355 May 9, 2008 The Giant Pool of Money Keith, definitely, love interest. ", I didn't think she looked angry, but her face was upside down and it was hard to tell. I jerked my hands twice and went "Foop, foop!" "I'm cursed." She said, who is that? There's something about kids, or at least the way I was as a kid, that is purely romantic, in the truest love sonneteering sense of the word. Mr. Buterbaugh called her Elizabeth. There's a wonderful experiment about this, actually, that Paul Harris in England did, where he got children to imagine that something was in a box. Really? "Just for one night." I looked at Timothy, and for the first time I saw that a thin, dark down of wolfish hair had grown upon his cheek. "Nothing," I said, "I didn't hear the bell. She still hadn't looked at Timothy. But I couldn't, because as I was walking, a line of people walked by and blocked me. ", And she thought about that for a minute. He revisits his biggest childhood crush and finds out . All three believed it was the past tense of a nonexistent verb "misle," which means "to deceive" or "to mislead." Transcript. Don't get me wrong. She was a tall, thin woman, much older than my mother, with long, gray hair and red, veiny hands. I knew this, because the Stokeses lived next door to us and I was privy to all kinds of secrets about Timothy that had absolutely no desire to know.
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