The Virtue of Remaining Steadfast When Losing a Child is a compendium of consolations found in the earliest texts of Islam; the great majority of them attributed to the Messenger of Allah himself. Each child is different and each loss is different, but all are equally treasured. I knew they cared but I felt as if perhaps it wasnt important enough for them, even though I knew that wasnt the case. He is An-Nur (The Light), Al-Fattah (The Opener) ask Him to illuminate this darkness and open a path for you that is best for you. Mu`awiyah ibn Haidah al-Qushairi quotes the Prophet () as saying, A slave woman who gives birth is better than a beautiful [free] woman who does not. The Prophet () said, Why did you not tell me? Thereupon He asks, What has My slave said? They say, He has praised You and said: Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall be returned). Allah says, Build a house for My slave in Jannah and name it Bayt-ul-Hamd (the House of Praise). 12475 and50106 , we stated that the scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas, and Shaykh Ibn Uthaymin, favoured the view that it is prescribed and is mustahabb. Among those injured is a very young child. When a Muslim is afflicted with a difficulty of any sort, be it the loss of a loved one or any other hardship, and he bears it patiently then Allh ta'l rewards him for his patience. Allah has promised that on the Day of Recompense, your child will return to you and not be at peace until he has secured your place in Jannah. 204675. Abdur Rahman Ibn Awf RD said: You are weeping, O Messenger of Allah SAW. He is helping you as you turn to Him, even if it may not feel that way. This time, the physical effects were so much worse. A lot of people forget about the father needing a lot of care too especially when it comes to newborns and stillbirths, as usually everyone focuses on the mother.Encourage them to read a lot of dhikr and durood whilst they are on their nifas. I just couldnt shake off this feeling of emptiness and the need to replace this loss that had left us before we had had a chance to live it. No one I spoke to could tell me anything to clear my confusion. Losing a child at an early stage is, unfortunately, common. Rewards of Parents and Children SOCIETY Rewards of Parents and Children T The Pen 25/01/2012 Do children whose parents serve in the way of Allah share rewards of their parents in hereafter? With each strike he sinks 70 yards under the ground. If you know of someone who has lost their baby/young child,the following advice and anecdotes may bring them some solace insha Allah. And Allah likes not prideful boasters." (Quran, 22:23) This is easy to say, but as for any mother who loses her children this challenge was my test from Allah (swt). Would it be a boy or girl? He is Al-Wudud (The Loving), Ar-Rauf (The Kind), ask Him to take care of your broken heart. He then asks, Have you taken the fruit of his heart? They reply in the affirmative. My children. Not only are children a source of paradise for their parents, they currently reside in Jannah and are being cared for by the great Prophet Ibrahim (AS). If you would like to speak to a sister in confidence, please contact us via telephone or email. The Prophet () came to know about it, whereupon he said, O Uthman! He () is also quoted as having said, One who offers three of his children while being patient and seeks compensations from Allah, he will be protected from the Fire by the will of Allah, the most Exalted One, the most Great.[31][80] Yet, it is this very trait that enables a Muslim to show his/hers contentment and reliance upon . Dearest readerMay every hardship you go through become a means of attaining closeness to Allah SWT , may every loss you have suffered be a means of gaining His SWTs pleasure, may you be reunited with your loved ones in the akhirah in Jannatul Firdaws. I dont have the knowledge or training to be a very good role model. But we had known. It is NOT A SIN, it is NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS and it is certainly NOT NON ACCEPTANCE OF ALLAH SWTS WILL! Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023. Allah comforted me every time. And if he walks towards Me, I rush towards him. SubhanAllah (Glory to God), it was the only thing that saved me in my darkest days. So for the last few years, I have been helping sisters from all backgrounds, ages and circumstances, supporting them through their loss. Call upon Allah, may He be exalted, a great deal and ask Him to make your children righteous and guide them to the straight path . We ask Allaah to bless you with patience in the face of your loss, and to compensate you with something better. Hence everything must be given due attention, within moderation. A way that can best be summarized by these five pieces of advice. We were shocked. There are many texts in the Qur'aan and Sunnah which point to the virtue and great reward of those who are patient and state that Allaah will give them reward without measure. In another tradition, he () said to her, Do you not like to see him at the gate of Paradise calling upon you to join us? She answered in the affirmative, so he () said to her, So shall it be.[30][79] Learn how your comment data is processed. Required fields are marked *. The love of the mother becomes a source of happiness and peace at home. 4237 and10016, Source: We hadnt even been to see the GP nor had our first appointment. The Islamic aspect of the training in particular helped me to understand the whys? In Islam, taking care of orphans is an essential thing to do. October 17, 2020 Ahmed Hadeeth. Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The death of one of one's children is a screen against the Fire, and the same applies to miscarriage, and Allah knows best.(Al-Majmu, 5/287; see also Hashiyat Ibn Abidin, 2/228). Tirmidhi. When Zainabs (RA) son was dying she called for her father, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). The children will be told on the Day of Resurrection, Enter Paradise. but they will say, Not until our fathers and mothers enter therein. Then they will be brought forward and Allah will say, Why is it that they are reticent? He is Al-Waliy (The Friend, Patron & Helper). For example, it is not appropriate for a father to forbid his child to smoke when he himself smokes. Ubaid ibn Umayr al-Laithi is quoted as having said, On the Judgment Day, the sons of the Muslims will come out of Paradise holding drinks in their hands. Sacrifice and dedication. Setting a good example 3. Providing a good environment 4. I dont even know how my husband felt. The one who is commanded to do the aqiqah is the one who is obliged to spend on the child, namely the father if he is present; if he refuses to do that then there is nothing wrong with someone else doing it, such as the mother. He complains to Him of his weakness and how he is feeling. Every time I felt I was being crushed with despair, whenever a wave of panic would threaten to overcome me, when I felt I would die with the need to hold my daughter again, I would run to my prayer mat with desperation. Cry for Him to ease it. The Prophet () is also quoted as having said, Whenever two Muslims [husband and wife] offer three [children] who are yet to reach adolescence, Allah will lodge them in Paradise through His mercy. People said to him, O Messenger of Allah! Make Du'a for Them One of the greatest gifts we have as believers is the gift of du'a (supplication). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:When a persons child dies, Allah the Most High asks His angels, Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave? They reply in the affirmative. Three, she said. In order for the child to accept this good attitude and behaviour, it is essential to make that beloved to him. to ensure that the child is all right. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e. Ayatollah Rahim Mohammadi Ilami; Ayatollah Sayed Sharaf al . The mother of Mubashshir, who belongs to the Ansars, is quoted as saying that the Messenger of Allah () entered her house as she was cooking rice. WHAT IS TAUBAH & WHY SHOULD WE REPENT TOALLAAH? The general consensus is that if the child was showing discernible features like fingernails and toes and also showed signs of life like kicking in the womb etc. Ubayy ibn Ka`b is quoted as having said that the Prophet () once asked a woman if she had children. The Prophet acknowledges Allah SWTs Mercy and Power and that He is the only one who can provide and take care of him. Abdul-Malik ibn Omayr quotes narrators telling him that a man once went to the Prophet () and said, O Messenger of Allah! It was happening all over again. Do parents have a share of rewards attained by their children? Five things there are: How heavy they are in the scales! Not till our parents enter! They will thus refuse to enter. For even our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW wept:Anas bin Malik RD reported that: The Messenger of Allah SAW entered the room and we accompanied himAnd Ibrahim RD (the Prophet SAWs son) breathed his last. Zurarah ibn Awfa is quoted as having said that the Messenger of Allah () consoled a man on the loss of his son. 2. The devoted reader will learn how this uniquely painful suffering can be the occasion of reward by the Most Merciful; and a means of drawing nearer . (See: al-Mughni, 2/328; al-Insaf, 2/504). Islam Q&A, Duaa A sound upbringing is one that instills good attitude and behaviour firmly in the childs heart and mind so that he will be able to resist corrupt whims and desires, and he will not feel comfortable except with things that help him adhere to the path of righteousness and will despise anything that is contrary to good values. I remember returning from our emergency scan and just lying on the sofa where the words of the consultant confirming the worst alongside the same rubbish excuse of one of those things going through my mind. I was exhausted. So I became one of the very first volunteers for the Muslim Bereavement Support Service. The more one increases their patience and contentment with the decree of Allh , the greater is one's reward. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. and instilled in me a hope that enabled me to understand that my suffering was actually going to be worth something. Thawban, a servant-slave of the Messenger of Allah (), has said, Congratulations! Imam Muslim (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, "Whoever . 3. Then He SAW said, Our eyes shed tears and our hearts are filled with grief, but we do not say anything except that by which Allah is pleased. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Difference between Kufr and Shirk Imam Ibn Baz, Good Manners when Dealing with the Creation Shaikh Muhammad bin SaalihAl-Uthaimeen, Ahmad ibn Hanbals Treatise on Prayer(Salah), Benefits and Blessings of Performing Sujood or Sajdah (Prostration toAllah), Explanation of Allahs Saying: Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth (grade) of the Fire Imam IbnBaz. The Virtue of Remaining Steadfast When Losing a Child is a compendium of consolations found in the earliest texts of Islam, the great majority of them attributed to the Messenger of Allah himself. But from a mother to another, I feel your pain. He who relieves the hardship of a believer in this world, Allah will relieve his hardship on the Day of Judgment. Answer There are numerous verses of the Holy Quran and authentic Hadith's of Nabi (sallalahu 'alayhi wa sallam) which mention the rewards and glad tidings for those who are patient and exercise sabr. They will take their hands and all will enter Paradise, for they best know their fathers and mothers on that Day than your own sons who now are in your homes.[20][69] Undoubtedly the loss of a child is one of the greatest calamities for the one whom it befalls. All these traditions are excerpted from reliable sources. But if the child did not make a sound, then in the answer to questions no. If we examine the situation and characteristics of the ones who offered this dua, we will realize, based on their qualities and high ranking, that they would not be content until they see their children obeying their Lord, knowledgeable and actively striving. From this hadth we learn that one who consoles an afflicted person receives the same reward that the afflicted person receives due to his patience. 4. However, Allah swt had other plans for us and at seven weeks we suffered our first miscarriage. He () is also cited as having said, A believers reward from his sons is Paradise, whether he was patient [at their demise] or not.[6][55] He () has also said, If one is afflicted by a calamity, and if he fretted because of it or did not, whether he was patient about it or not, his reward from Allah for it will be Paradise.[7][56] He () has also said, One son offered by a man is better for him than seventy who survive him and who live to meet al-Qaim, peace be with him.[8][57] You will find no greater comfort than with Allah SWT. Stand and let us go to our brother to console him. When the Prophet () entered the mans place, he found him very sad and forlorn, so he offered his condolences to him. Alhamdulillah, we have the opportunity to make du'a for our loved ones and benefit them in the grave, by seeking forgiveness for them. In the answer to questions no. As-salmu 'alaykum wa-rahmatullhi wa-baraktuh. They are also of the view that the child should be given a name. If you know of someone who has lost their baby/young child, the following advice and anecdotes may bring them some solace insha Allah. It does not befit His perfection and the beauty of His attributes that He afflicts one of His servants in the life of this world with any affliction, no matter how small, without rewarding him for it many times more: Had He not given him anything, He would have been unjust; and had He compensated him only by the same measure, He would have been sporting, and Allah is greatly above doing so. As many of the scholars mentioned, they studied under their teachers for years to learn proper manners. Then He SAW said, Our eyes shed tears and our hearts are filled with grief, but we do not say anything except that by which Allah is pleased. Hence one of the early generations said to his childrens teacher: Let the first thing you do in setting my children straight be mending your own ways, for their faults will be connected to your faults; in their eyes, what is good will be what you do and what is bad will be what you refrain from. (Tarikh Dimashq, 38/271-272). Abdullah ibn Mas`ood, may Allah be pleased with him, is quoted as having said that the Messenger of Allah () had said, If one offers three sons who were yet to reach adolescence, they will be his fortified protection [against the flames of the Fire]. Abu Dharr said, I have already offered two. The Prophet () said, Even if they were two. Ubayy ibn Ka`b then said, I have offered one, whereupon the Prophet () said, Even if it were one son, but this will be at the first shock.[28][77] And if he remembers Me in his heart, I also remember him in My Heart, and if he remembers Me in assembly I remember him in assembly, better than his (remembrance), and if he draws near Me by the span of a palm, I draw near him by the cubit, and if he draws near Me by the cubit I draw near him by the space (covered by) two hands. Will the gate be opened only for him or for all of us [our family]? The Prophet () said, Rather, for all of you.[23][72] They will come out. The Prophet () said, It is so if he buries two and is patient about his loss and rests his hope on being compensated for his loss by Allah Almighty, it will be incumbent that he should be lodged in Paradise. Can I offer 'aqiqah for her if it is obligatory? The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also cried when his son Ibrahim died as an infant. It was easy; I was a teacher and decided I could not even think about having any more children. I prayed because it was the only thing I could do, I had nowhere else to turn to. Whoever bears that with patience and accepts the will and decree of Allaah will have a great reward by the grace and bounty of Allaah. There are also ahaadeeth which speak specifically of losing a child. Was he a minor or adult? Dua (Supplications) Duas or supplications are the biggest weapons of a firm believer of Islam and they are unquestionable. Advise them to rest, and keep close family or friends around to help them recover and help keep them mentally strong. From four weeks and two days we had known, and for the last three weeks we had dreamed up an entire new life. ! He said, I am just working. I said to him, Narrate a tradition for me, may Allah have mercy on you. He said, I heard the Messenger of Allah () say that any Muslim couple whose three children die before reaching the age of maturity will be forgiven by Allah through the favor of His mercy on account of those whom they lose. This can make it feel even more difficult. You can raise children in Islam by: 1. What about our parents? It will be said to them on the fourth time, Your parents shall be with you, too, whereupon each child will leap to its parents. Children intercede for their parents. Each time I would rise from my prayer with my heart soothed at least a little, with a sense that I had confided in my Rabb (Lord) and He had listened and He was taking care of me and helping me. When you lose a child, it often feels as though you are alone. He then asks, Have you taken the fruit of his heart? They reply in the affirmative. Allaahumma ajurni fi museebati wakhluf li khayran minha (Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. Sabr (Patience) Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience. This includes everyone who bears with patience any calamity with which he is tested. (LogOut/ Alhamdulillah, after what seemed like an eternity, my eldest son was born kicking and screaming. Abdul-Rahman ibn Samrah quotes the Messenger of Allah () as saying, I saw yesterday something amazing, stating a lengthy tradition which includes this: I saw a man from my nation whose scales were light, so his sons came and caused his scales to weigh down heavily.[12][61] We also educate our children at home. https://www.childrenofjannah.com/resources. Try and follow the Prophets (SAW) example in making your dua. The day the inspection ended was the day I found out I was pregnant with our fourth baby. I felt broken. Would they be like me or their abbu? With regard to offering `aqiqah for a miscarried foetus if he had reached the age of four months gestation , the scholars differed as to whether this is prescribed in Islam. He is Al-Wahhab (The Bestower), Al-Karim (The Bountiful). Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (pious) [al-Furqan 25:74]. I would pray and cry. And really its ok to weep. How easily we say this to others, but we only understand the true meaning when we are the ones returning His SWT gifts back to Him. So be patient and do not let your restlessness ruin your reward, which you would then regret. Anas ibn Malik has said that the Messenger of Allah () stood in a congregation of Banu Salamah and said, O sons of Salamah! Furthermore, raising and bringing up a Muslim child is of the greatest of spiritual works. The devoted reader will learn how this uniquely painful suffering can be the occasion of reward by the Most Merciful, and a means of drawing nearer . He may help you in unexpected ways; the comfort of family or friends, support from people you would never have expected it from, the opportunity to help others and do good, the increased love of your spouse and/or children. If they go beyond the stated time again, then you can deprive them of it for a longer period, according to whatever will achieve the aim and be of benefit in disciplining them. Some may even have been advised against crying or showing their emotion, preventing you from sharing your heartbreak with others. My husband only washed her and shrouded her, and offered the funeral prayer for her and buried her. What can sometimes help, is knowing that many others have also been affected. Was there something wrong with me? Al-Tirmidhi tracks his isnad the Prophet () saying, A believer who is afflicted by a calamity in himself, his sons or wealth will meet Allah, the most Exalted, the most Great, having committed no sin at all.[9][58] Firstly, you may want to give them sunnah duas, as well as personal duas, such as:May Allah grant you both patience and a great reward in exchange (nimal badal). The child was lifted up to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) while his breath was disturbed in his chest. The child is at an age where he needs leisure and play; he is also at an age where discipline and teaching are appropriate. He who makes easy what is difficult, Allah will make it easy for him in the world and the Hereafter. Enter Paradise! They will say, O Lord, our parents. Then He will say, Enter Paradise, you and your parents.Raslullh sallallhu alayhi wasallam said:Whoever outlives three of their children who have not reached the age of maturity then they will be an impenetrable fortress which will protect him from hellfire.Then Abu Dharr RD said, I have outlived two. Raslullh sallallhu alayhi wasallam said,Even two.Then Ubay bin Kab RD said, I have outlived one. Raslullh sallallhu alayhi wasallam said,Even one, but this is only for those who are patient when the affliction first strikes.. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. People will beg them to give them of it to drink, but they will shout out: Our parents! Children feel attached to the home because of the mother. Miscarriages often occur before a mother has even realised that she is pregnant; twenty percent of all pregnancies are miscarried, with the majority occurring in the first trimester of pregnancy. When I lost my daughter, I did not expect to find comfort in prayer. The pain can be even more excruciating for a mother who has lost her child in a miscarriage. From nowhere. Pray to Allah for my sake, for no son lives for me. The Prophet () asked her, How many sons have you lost? She said, Three. But it should be noted that punishment, when bringing up children, must be used wisely. And remember, restlessness does not bring the dead back nor does it eliminate grief. The Reward for Losing a Child and Being Patient December 13, 2013 . I was drained. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn 'Abbas reports that Nabi said: "Those who lose two children, Allah will enter them [the parents] into Jannah", Sayyidatuna 'Aaishah then asked, 'What about those who lose one . May Allah SWT bless you with the best in deen, dunya and akhirah. PO Box 2241 Ilford, IG1 9UX | info@mbss.org.uk. These ahaadeeth explain that if two or more of a persons children die and he bears that with patience, then he is promised Paradise and salvation from the Fire. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun (Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return). The greater the difficulty the greater the reward. I didnt blame anyone. That all the while when I had felt others hadnt acknowledged our loss, Allah SWT had and that He SWT has in store, for my husband and I, delights of the heart that are unimaginable. People said to the Prophet (), O Messenger of Allah! As great as the NHS are, I referred myself to a herbal specialist and followed the course of medication given. Can I offer aqiqah for her if it is obligatory? Al-Nawawi said in al-Majmu (5/210): He should be shrouded like an adult, with three pieces of cloth.. Verily that is easy for Allah. Firstly, take recourse with the words of Allah, Most High, "So truly with hardship comes ease.
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