Simple, right? Downey, G., Feldman, S. I. "I would want them to be honest with why that can't come", Mentions needing to have a legitimate reason Since the person doesnt know you all that well, they will likely not feel comfortable pressing you for more information, especially since youre not offering any! And, people are generally pretty good at recognizing an excuse that is not 100% truthful. For the most part, people will be understanding and not take it personally because hopefully, they realize that youre wanting to cancel plans is not about them, its about you (usually). Still give as much notice as you can, and still be apologetic, and still make new plans. Your wallet/phone/identity was stolen. Morgan, D. L. (1993). But sometimes you leave the other person annoyed and betrayed. . Weidman, A. C., Sowden, W. J., Berg, M. K., Kross, E. (2020). Clearly, this isn't the most creative way to cancel plans, but hear us out. Humans have a fundamental need to seek out and maintain close relationships with others (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). Not to worry, we've got you covered in that department - just continue reading for our ready-made list of good excuses to cancel plans. The rules of friendship. Enduring personal characteristics might also affect peoples responses to being cancelled on or their memories of previous cancellations. There's something wrong with your stomach, something pukey. In this situation, you can try being honest with the other person and letting them know that although you were really looking forward to seeing them, youre just not up to it anymore. 15 Excuses to Get out of Plans in Advance. How would you prefer that they go about doing it? You have to do something with your kids. The features often centered on personal- (e.g., health, emotions), family-, or work-related barriers to fulfilling plans. They answered questions about how theyd prefer to be canceled on, the negative emotions they feel when someone flakes on them, and their criteria for good and bad reasons for canceling plans. (2019). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Fourth, our sample comprised entirely of two convenience samples, mostly from an undergraduate student subject pool. Theres no better way to tell it like it is other than saying you just dont feel like it. 5. Feeling disappointed, along with its accompanying higher-order feeling of disillusionment, has important personal and social consequences that can jeopardize both our individual standing and our friendships if they are the source of disappointment (Maher et al., 2020). The other exception for this excuse is if you work in some kind of deadline-intense job, and you, ahem, may have a habit of procrastinating until the last minute. When I do, I much prefer one-on-one or small group interactions rather than those involving large groups of people I dont know well, where my social anxiety might cause a bit of unease. More formal analyses can also uncover whether closeness between friends (or the plans themselveswas it the friends wedding or a coffee meeting?) via giphy. If youve had an emotionally exhausting week (or month) and dont feel up for going out, this is an honest excuse to use. Most of the theoretical work on rejection (a relevant action to cancelling on someone) has focused on romantic/sexual advances and impersonal relationships (e.g., organizational settings, patient/client settings). Things to consider before you choose one of many excuses to get out of plans Canceling plans sucks, especially if it's at the last minute. Required fields are marked *. There are many reasons to cancel plans. Make sure youreally dowant to cancel the plans before you start coming up with the perfect excuse to do so. More than 1,100 people weighed in for the first large study to delve into the societal norms that exist around canceling plans, according to Chopik. 3. Participants were also asked about how cancelled plans made them feel. Participants also wanted a forthright or honest explanation (28.6%) that represented a good reason why they were being cancelled on (27.7%). "They don't feel like it", Mention of dishonesty or lying when cancelling This is especially the case with friends (Chopik, 2017; Giles et al., 2005; Larson et al., 1986). Subject: How to Cancel Plans With Friends: A Mixed Methods Study of Strategy and Experience, (Optional message may have a maximum of 1000 characters. Whatever the case may be, its always best to be upfront and honest with the people in your life when it comes to the commitments youve made, but if you really cant face the music for one reason or another, this post has you covered with 21 totally believable excuses to cancel plans. You know youre going to cancel (though hopefully sooner rather than later!) Maybe you had a rough day at work or your kids were driving you crazy. In general, people just want advanced notice and a simple text or call will do, Chopik told HuffPost. Here are some more tactics for canceling without being a flake. You can get sick at any time and thus its an easy excuse to get out of plans at the last minute (or with advance notice). The OG excuse. Part of HuffPost Relationships. Just be honest. Batch your cancelations. Reconstructive memory related to adolescent-parent conflict interactions: The influence of attachment-related representations on immediate perceptions and changes in perceptions over time. Although I just listed 21 believable excuses to get out of plans, most of the time, the best excuse is the truth. This also makes it easier to reschedule, since youre not currently busy with whatever was going to make you cancel plans in the first place. By continuing to use our website, you are agreeing to. Having an emergency or something unexpected come up was spontaneously mentioned about 25% of the time (only some of the time did this unexpected feature include the aforementioned reasons). Evaluating the Short-form Confusion, Hubbub and Order Scale, Revisiting the Links Between Numeracy and Decision Making: Replication Registered Report of Peters et al. 4. Saying that you totally forgot you had plans makes it about your lack of organization, rather than the other person. Thus, the percentages across features do not sum to 100% to allow for multiple features in each response. (2022). 9 Creative Ideas for Busy Moms, Fall in Love with Taking Care of Yourself, Hustle Mode: 5 Warning Signs You Need to Slow Down and REST, 5 Ways to Kickstart Your Self Love Journey Today. The questions are reproduced in the bottom panel of Table 1. Theres no need to be overwrought and overly apologetic in explaining, either. Jablin, F. M., Krone, K. (1984). Maybe you add social events to your calendar thinking youll be into them, but once the day of said event arrives, youre racking your brain trying to come up with excuses to get out of plansa good reason that actually sounds believable?! Folkes, V. S. (1982). Honoring commitments is essential to maintaining friendships, which is associated with better health and well-being. For example, in a cross-cultural study in the U.S., U.K., Italy, Hong Kong, and Japan, participants from these different countries tended to endorse many of the same statements when asked about whether there are unifying rules governing friendship (Argyle & Henderson, 1984). If youre the one always getting canceled on, then do this in reverse, as redditor RESET-REWIND suggests. In either case, all you want is to be by yourself. We found that most people didnt mind if you needed to cancel they dont feel particularly bad, and they understand that things come up, said William Chopik, associate professor in MSUs department of psychology and lead author of the study. In general, cancelling strategies based on approach motivation (i.e., seeking rewards in relationship, such as positive affect) might affirm the importance of a relationship and promote relationship satisfaction (Gable & Impett, 2012). Did you like this post? One helpful tactic is to look at your week during the preceding weekend, and determine which plans need to be canceled. After codes/features were generated, the data were merged back into the main data file and replaced the text responses (so they could be publicly shared). Weve all been there: You made plans with friends but as the day approaches, youre exhausted and would vastly prefer to curl up on the couch and stream the night away. Canceling social plans is the ultimate in self-gratificationfirst you got high off the plans, then you got high off the freedom. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. General feelings of fatigue or non-specific wellness were nominated by 17.9% of the sample. Friendship jealousy: One tool for maintaining friendships in the face of third-party threats? Van Lange, A. W. Kruglanski, E. T. Higgins (Eds.). In R. W. Robins, R. C. Fraley, R. F. Krueger (Eds.). As a result, the typicality of the cancellee is likely relevant (e.g., do they often cancel? Collabra: Psychology 3 January 2023; 9 (1): 57549. doi: https://doi.org/10.1525/collabra.57549. "They felt tired", Mention something that is non-specifically important (scenarios not coded as 'Unexpected') Such responses aligned well with the aforementioned research on the norms around forming and maintaining relationships (Argyle & Henderson, 1984; Carnegie, 1937/2010). You may have found yourself in this situation. Acceptable reasons to cancel include an emergency, illness or a truly unavoidable responsibility. Chopik said one of the more surprising findings was the myriad of legitimate reasons people gave their friends for canceling plans. I've had terrible diarrhea since this morning, and I think its best that I stay home tonight. There was some countervailing evidence though: men wanted more advanced notice, thought that cancelling was more likely to affect their friendships, and were more upset when a casual acquaintance cancelled compared to women. Consider if your excuse fits with your lifestyle and what the other person knows about your personality. Close-ended questions focused on how much advanced notice should be given (two questions), whether it is important to reschedule the plans (one question), and the implications of cancelling plans for a friendship (5 questions; the cancelling itself, if it later emerged that the excuse was fake, and how upset they would be if a casual acquaintance, good friend, or best friend cancelled on them). The answer should sound good for the people to trust that you're sick but the sickness is handleable and easy to get through . Gable, S. L., Impett, E. A. Unfortunately, you have to cancel because you have no one to watch your kids. The most frequent things mentioned by participants were that they would like advanced notice about the cancellation (59.1%) and to be told in a relatively quick way (a brief communication via call or text to quickly/immediately convey that they need to cancel; 48.0%). You are on a deadline. A variety of close-ended and open-ended questions regarding what participants believed was a reasonable excuse for cancelling and the worst excuse for cancelling was asked. The most common good excuses centered around health, family, and work commitments. Sister asks you to babysit her kids on a holiday. The authors report no competing or conflicts of interest in the execution or publication of this project. Larson, R., Mannell, R., Zuzanek, J. If possible, you should . Likewise, we asked participants how much a cancellation would affect their friendship. Perceived partner responsiveness as an organizing construct in the study of intimacy and closeness. Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). Instead of . Kim, J. J., Muise, A., Impett, E. A. Does it mean were awful, terrible people? (2012). Totally sucks. Sophia Caron, Jacqueline Thomas, Alaina Torres, Jeewon Oh, William Chopik; How to Cancel Plans With Friends: A Mixed Methods Study of Strategy and Experience. The majority of participants said that cancelling plans would not affect their friendship but later learning that the excuse used was fake would be upsetting. There were also elements of unexpected or unanticipated events being barriers to fulfilling plans. The large study is among the first to explore the wide variety of norms that exist around canceling plans. Check out some others along these lines: Need a Break From Life? Moving toward more perfect unions: Daily and long-term consequences of approach and avoidance goals in romantic relationships. This works well with out-of-town family and when you make it seem like their visit is unexpected (and the last thing you want to do). Immediate rescheduling has a practical advantage: This is a good moment to see what went wrong, and reschedule for a place and time thats less problematic. Before we get into the list of excuses to cancel plans, Id like to make the point that its important to assesswhyyoure looking to bail on your plans in the first place. The current study provided a descriptive account about how people cancel plans with friends and the best (and worst) ways to do so. Carroll, P. J., Shepperd, J. Punish or Protect? Reis, H. T., Shaver, P. R. (1988). "Lying about work or home life", Mentioning poor planning, forgetting, or oversleeping Interpersonal relationship mindsets and rejection sensitivity across cultures: The role of relational mobility. In other words, maintaining friendships involves making plans with friendsplans that are mostly comprised of shared leisure activities (Larson et al., 1986). (2001). A. 5. Of course, these three questions only captured a sliver of the variety of responses people could have. Your parents/sister/brother/cousins are popping in for a surprise visit.
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